You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
