I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
