Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton

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(704): View more from North Carolina

my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'

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(443): View more from Maryland

Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.

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(812): View more from Indiana

You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.

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(815): View more from Illinois

This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.

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(443): View more from Maryland

He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.

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(530): View more from California

I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.

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(845): View more from New York

dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.

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