DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
