i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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