all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
