pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
