well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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