Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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