if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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