hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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