Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
