You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
