I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
