guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
