You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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