We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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