They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
as a side note pls kill me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
