I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
How's work?
Spinning.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
