I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize