My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
