i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
