I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize