why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
