I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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