Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize