I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
