Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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