everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
