Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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