Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
