maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
