you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
