We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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