He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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