The maid of honor just puked.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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