That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
