so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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