it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
