I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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