okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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