Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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