This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
