Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
