you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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