i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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