How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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