I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
