I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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