ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
