this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
