I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
