I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
me + whiskey = a bad person
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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