let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
