i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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