so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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