i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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