i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This house was built for laser tag.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
