Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
