Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
