In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
