Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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