She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
