STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
