You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize