You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize