I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
