I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
