Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
