I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
