You're completely useless in the revolution.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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