At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
