this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
