Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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