what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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