My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
