Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
