Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
bring money and cleavage
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
