peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
