Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
