I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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