He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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