Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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