it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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