Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize