O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
