There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
