Where is the hickey?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
