When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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