i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
