Where did you get a picture of my penis
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize