O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
